A Clear Separation of Days

I'm about a week into my new life in New York and I'm happy. I'm so happy I'm actually doing things. A big part of the reason I wanted to move was because the days were blurring. Every Monday I went into work, my coworker would ask how my weekend was, and I'd respond, "Eh, you know. You?" Her: "Didn't do much but it was good."

While I do love those relaxing weekends, even when I did do a lot of things, it was just a bunch of the same ol' and nothing really new. My cousin just asked me how my weekend was and I was like, "It was great! Went to see cherry blossoms in Brooklyn and the museum, did a lot of eating at famous taco truck vendors with freshly made tortillas and then had the best ramen ever."

I started Bikram Yoga again, and next is hip hop dance and getting back into swimming.

On a side note:
Everyone's so beautiful in New York. I have so much competition! Wish me luck.

Labels: city life, food, fun

New York State of Mind

So, I've arrived in New York safely and it didn't really hit me. It didn't hit me when I landed in JFK, not on the E Westbound, and not even after unpacking all I could; it took a farmer's market to do it.

I guess it's the idea of something local. I wonder how long it will take though for me to include myself into this 'local' mindset. I think it'll take certain things happening first since I need to 1. secure a stable income, and 2. have a somewhat permanent place to hang my hat. After I can stop the nomadic couch-surfing lifestyle (as nice as the living situations are), I can focus on myself.

I watched The Ramen Girl, a (Tampopo - Sitophila) + (Lost in Translation + Hollywood) kinda film, last night with Dandan. The movie was ridiculously cute and genuinely authentic in its interactions and dialogue. There was a lot of talk about how the heart and soul add flavor into cooking and I wondered if it really changes much if technically, nothing changes if you cook with or without much 'heart.' We concluded more that it was due to the company you're with and the decor that affect your enjoyment or capacity to enjoy the food.

Food has just always tasted so good here for me. I've always thought it was just because all food in NYC is great but maybe it really is the setting, the essence of this city. New York is that je ne sais quoi spice in my life.

Labels: city life, film, food

Hello Change

It's interesting how one month can be so different from the last. My last post was a little premature and I feel now that a different transition might happen. This is a time in my life when I have many options (though limited by the economy) and can go down various paths. And while I don't consider myself an overly impulsive person, the urge to be in New York has never been as strong and real as it has right now.

Funny now that New York is where I want to be when a month or two ago, I felt otherwise. Maybe I just didn't want to handle the cold though I think I've become okay with it since I've had to deal with a much colder than usual San Francisco anyway.

I've been thinking about what's best for me in my life recently. I've been going through life day by day because I've been so overwhelmed with work and side projects that I couldn't see more than two weeks ahead and that's such a strange feeling for me since when it comes to my life, I like to be centered and have control.

I have since finished the bulk of projects thus giving me more time to focus on myself. In the clarity, I thought about what my next step in life would be and a lot of things kept drawing me to the idea of moving away from home and what better place than New York. I feel I need a change of pace, of setting.. There were many times I've felt stuck here where I find myself easily being comfortable at home with family and friends, and I want to be more independent.

Even if I struggle, I don't think it will be a bad thing. Even if I'm living paycheck to paycheck and on a diet of cup ramen, I'll make do. This isn't a point in my life when I want to be comfortable or stagnant; I want that spontaneity.

Labels: decisions

Individual Growth

The other day, I saw an ex-roommate that I, for lack of a better phrase, had a falling out with. In the early days of our friendship, I genuinely considered him a really good and close friend but after certain situations, things just changed and a rift had formed of which I could not traverse - whether because of my stubbornness or a desire to not get hurt any further. He had always said some negative things about people he/we knew, which always concerns me because I wonder what such a person would say about me when I'm not around. I pushed these concerns aside until I heard some things said about me that weren't necessarily that hurtful but in my mind, were said for the sake of saying something negative, which in itself is a character flaw that cannot really be easily fixed or managed.

Presently, I don't still care about what has happened, and part of me wanted to stop him and say, "Hi," but I felt that at this point, it was not my job to initiate a reconnection. In the past, I've usually been the one to try to rekindle a friendship but I realized there wasn't much point to do so if the other person didn't want to put in the same amount of effort. I say that I don't care per se but I still feel a tinge of pain or anger or maybe it feels more like betrayal; it could also just be disappointment in believing someone was different and that someone was so easily able to let go of a friendship that at one point was pretty damn good. But I guess regarding the latter, the same could be said of me.

Looking back, I think there was a lot of mutual fault rather than one-sided and I'm still not that strong a person to pick up and try again because rejection will always be quite the bitch. Maybe one day, I'll be able to leave everything behind and live without regard for rejection and loss when the eventual outcome could result in something renewed.

I always feel a bit of sorrow over lost/diminished friendships but it's just how life goes. We come in and out of each others' lives, we choose different paths, and we either change together or independently - and after all that, whether that means we can come together, co-exist, and have a stronger friendship or not distinguished the people that I have kept in my life.

My uncle and cousin are two of the friendliest, most personable people I know. They rarely dislike anyone and when I hear them say that someone has done them wrong, then I wholeheartedly believe without question that said person was at fault; I want to be that kind of person one day but I'm not quite there yet.

Labels: friends

You Decide: Yes on Ignorance or No on Hate

To all Californians voting Yes or are on the fence about Proposition 8:

Really take a look at the campaign you're voting for because I think if you open your eyes for once, you will see an underhanded advertising campaign filled with lies that perpetuate further hatred and ignorance. Maybe taking the low road is the only way they feel they can win, the only way they ever knew how to win. Your children are watching and who do you think looks better right now?

If and when you have children, ask yourself if you would love them any less if they are gay. For all of you who have answered yes, I pity your children for having been born into your family. Homosexuality is not a choice; the only choice a homosexual person makes is whether to accept it within him/herself or choose to remain closeted because of the fear of rejection from friends and family. The hate and discrimination you so easily divulge at your dinner table is the same hate your children will feel you have for them. You are the reason the homosexuality statistic is lower than it currently is because they are too afraid to acknowledge it. You are the reason your children cannot completely be themselves in school or throughout their lives. You are the reason for the death of your children whether through suicide or through hate crimes. You are the reason that your children could come to hate themselves.

Think about the future in which they will live in. If you really cared about the welfare of your family and "protecting California children," why would you want them to live in a world filled with more hate than acceptance?

Labels: homosexuality, politics